Never Again
Every leader has their “never again” moment – a line in the sand where they vow to refuse to be passive in the face of conflict moving forward.
Mine happened in a gymnasium, not a conference room.
It was a defensive foul in the backcourt late in the game, right in front of the opposing team’s bench. The distant coach disagreed and came at me hard from the other side of midcourt. She traveled nearly 50 feet, arms flailing, teeth bared, screaming the entire way.
It was early in my officiating career, and I was unsure how to react. This had never happened to me in my entire adult life, and I wasn’t prepared.
My default personality kicked in: Be quiet. Be calm. Don’t return fire. De-escalate and balance the situation with opposite energy.
But as I reflected on the experience in the locker room, I made a vow.
Never again.
Never again would I allow a coach to come at me like that. I’ve been given tools to deal with it, and I need to use them.
About a year later, a similar moment tested me. A player went down during a fast break, and I stood by to protect her from oncoming traffic. By standard practice, the play continued until the scoring attempt subsided. Only then did I blow my whistle, stop play, and summon the coach.
But he was not waiting for my beckoning. On my whistle he stormed the court, stomping toward me (and his player), yelling that I should have stopped play sooner. His player was hurt, and he believed the game should have halted instantly.
I let that one slide because the situation involved an injury. The coach knew he was out of order and apologized at the next dead ball, which I appreciated. But as I reflected in the locker room, I reminded myself…
Never again.
Though I could justify the coach’s passion for his player’s safety, there is no excuse for berating an official like that during a game (or at any time, for that matter).
That being said, today’s article is not about basketball officiating. It is about holistic leader development.
Over time, I have come to see that officiating has been one of the most powerful leader development exercises of my life.
A decade-plus of high-pressure game management situations have taught me how to stay composed under fire, balance firmness with fairness, and know the limits of tolerance when emotions run high – the “art” of leadership in the heat of battle.
And none of it would have happened if I hadn’t stretched beyond the comfort zone of my known experience.
IMHO, too many leaders make the mistake of confining growth and development to their area of expertise – reading industry resources, attending trade conferences, or sharpening technical skills.
Those things matter, but in today’s world that demands more from everyone, they are not enough.
This reality speaks to why the third “H” of The H3 Leader framework is so imperative. It refers to our growing need to develop a Holistic approach to our role as leaders.
In order to develop as well-rounded leaders and to have a greater impact on the world around us, I believe we must intentionally step into arenas beyond the easy button of our work niche and learn from a variety of disparate experiences.
For me, developing a deep understanding of the rules, learning from seasoned veterans, and officiating 4 – 5 nights a week does not just make me a better referee.
It makes me a better leader.
I’ve learned how to better manage conflict, enforce boundaries, and lead with both authority and respect.
And I’m getting a little bit better every game. Every season.
(For a fantastic read on “How to Manage Emotions in High-Pressure Moments”, check out this article on page 32 of the online publication of the July 2025 edition of Referee Magazine right here! It is a solid read filled with practical learnings for leaders from any walk of life!)
?4U: What are you doing outside of your primary arena to develop your leadership skills?
If all you are doing is getting sharper in your chosen niche, you may be neglecting the broader calling of leadership. True growth happens when we stretch into unexpected places - our families, our churches, our communities, and our world.
If God has given you the gift of leadership, I encourage you to steward it well. Don’t just apply it in a single arena. Apply it holistically, wherever he may lead you.
Blessing to you, my friends!
==========
This Week’s Resource Recommendation:
"Bounce: Mozart, Federer, Picasso, Beckham, and the Science of Success"
- Matthew Syed
From Amazon: Why have all the sprinters who have run the 100 meters in under 10 seconds been black?
What's one thing Mozart, Venus Williams, and Michelangelo have in common?
Is it good to praise a child's intelligence?
Why are baseball players so superstitious?
Few things in life are more satisfying than beating a rival. We love to win and hate to lose, whether it's on the playing field or at the ballot box, in the office or in the classroom. In this bold new look at human behavior, award-winning journalist and Olympian Matthew Syed explores the truth about our competitive nature: why we win, why we don't, and how we really play the game of life.
Bounce reveals how competition - the most vivid, primal, and dramatic of human pursuits - provides vital insight into many of the most controversial issues of our time, from biology and economics to psychology and culture, to genetics and race, to sports and politics.
Backed by cutting-edge scientific research and case studies, Syed shatters long-held myths about meritocracy, talent, performance, and the mind. He explains why some people thrive under pressure and others choke and weighs the value of innate ability against that of practice, hard work, and will. From sex to math, from the motivation of children to the culture of big business, Bounce shows how competition provides a master key with which to unlock the mysteries of the world.
MMS 25-39
I would love to send our Monday Morning Stretch directly to you via email and would consider it an honor to serve you in this way. To register, please take 30 seconds to give us permission to do so below.
